What is Swinging? 

I have had many conversations with many swingers over the past few years and I have always wondered what the definition of a swinger actually is. Having read books and articles, spoken on the radio, written many articles on swinging and taken on board points of view of many swingers I feel I am able to collate these opinions and answer the question with some degree of authority. This article will obviously bring about debate, disagreement and discourse but that is its intention. To provoke thought is the aim along with imparting information to those who are curious and looking for an explanation of any sort as a start point.

It is more or less agreed by most involved in the swinging scene that an accurate definition of swinging is;

“…A form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships”

Swinging is referred to as the ‘Lifestyle’ and can encompass a variety of acts and occasions. Many swingers would argue that a single person couldn’t be a swinger and refer back to the days when swinging first took off back in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s as ‘wife-swapping’. The argument therefore is that if a man has no partner he has no one to swap and so cannot be a swinger. There is however, a greater tolerance of single women, as female bi-sexuality is generally accepted in the swinging community whereas male bi-sexuality is not as acceptable. An alternative way of viewing this in the singleton’s defence is that a single person can be a swinger if their partner is aware of their actions. One of the pillars of swinging is honesty and so somebody who is keeping their sexual relations from their partner would be unwelcome by genuine swingers. Cheating on a partner is not swinging.

Swinging is a social activity. It is not a clandestine or secretive pastime once you are within the swinging community and amongst fellow swingers. Most swingers choose to keep their private lives within a circle of swingers for fear of being judged unfairly by the public at large because of their attitude towards sex and relationships. In this predominantly Christian-valued western society, monogamy is the watchword for relationships. Someone who believes that polygamy and free and open sexual relationships are more to their liking may often be treated with derision and disdain. The safe sex lobby can put swingers in a bad light claiming that promiscuity is responsible for the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs). It’s interesting to note that since 1986 there has been only one reported case of HIV infection in the swinging community. The religious lobby can claim swinging undermines the basic values of matrimony. All manner of accusations can be thrown at swingers and swinging through nothing more than ignorance and intolerance. Once ‘among friends’ in a swinging environment discretion from the public and honesty with swingers are paramount values. It is this uninhibited lifestyle that attracts people to swinging. An environment where a person may be naked or dressed in an outfit, which may publicly draw ridicule and deemed unsuitable, is desirable for people who want to be uninhibited and feel desired and attractive and those who want to enjoy multiple partners.

The social traits of swinging are not too different from everyday life. Meeting people, beginning and holding a conversation in a social gathering is akin to any party. Swinging differs where the flirting is accepted as opposed to risqué or frowned upon. The flirting progresses more often than not into sexual contact. Friendships are forged and the suspicion of another’s motives is removed. There is no worry about someone merely being friendly to get closer to another persons partner with a view to have sex with them. That is what swinging is.

As I mentioned earlier swinging can encompass a variety of acts and occasions. There are three recognised terms for different types of swinging. Firstly we have the traditional Open Swing. This is basically wife swapping. Two couples exchange partners and all have sex in the same room. Secondly we have Closed Swing, which is again, wife swapping but each couple exchange partners and have sex in a separate room. Lastly is Soft Swing, which is couples, having sex in the same room but with their partner. Some couples use this type of swinging to watch their partner be admired and flirted with which reaffirms that they are with a desirable person and can reignite sexual ardour.

This is basically what most of my research has given me. A deeper understanding as to what the swinging phenomenon is and why it is growing and becoming so popular. In this day and age of more people placing an emphasis on the pursuit of leisure and pleasure after working hard, surely swinging is a natural progression. It is to swingers what a good night out can be to a drinker or a good result can be to a sportsman. That pursuit of a feeling of euphoria and an environment of utopia is their goal and in these times should we not be adopting a live and let live attitude to all and trying to understand that even if swinging isn’t for us personally, it is what some people want. I don’t like rugby but I wouldn’t want to see it banned.

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Avante Swingers©