Swingers Jokes 

Swingers jokes are plentiful now with the rise in public awareness of swinging. The public are accepting swinging as another leisure activity and the old attitudes are fading. This is one reason why swingers jokes are now more to do with laughing along with swingers as opposed to laughing at swingers jokes about swingers. You could say swingers have had the last laugh! If you know a swingers joke let us know and we'll publish it on our swingers jokes page along with your profile name and a picture if you wish. show your fellow swingers you have a sense of humour.

Knocking Off:- Two guys Dave and Mick, worked on a building site and the foreman had a habit of knocking off at 2pm and telling the workforce to stay till 7pm. This particular day Mick said to Dave “Sod that. As soon as he goes I’m off. Lets knock it on the head”

As soon as the foreman had given them warning to stay til 7pm and disappeared the two friends knocked off. Dave, worried that his wife would hassle him for not putting the hours in decided to stay away from home and pop to the local swingers club. As he entered he noticed a large crowd were gathered round the voyeur window. Curious, he went and looked into the room to see his wife being spit roasted by the foreman and another guy.

The next day the foreman issued his warning about knocking off before 7pm and left. Mick turned to Dave and said, “Are we knocking off again mate?”

“F*ck off” said Dave “I nearly got caught yesterday!” 

Escape from Hell:- A swinger died and went to Satan’s Swinging Hell. Scared and feeling hard done by he told the Devil there must be a mistake and that he should be upstairs.

“We hear this a lot,” said the Devil “So what you have to do to get out of here is go into that room over there and shag the woman in it”

The man opened the door to see the ugliest woman he’d ever seen dripping in semen and riddled with lice and smelling like a shit smuggler’s duffle bag.

“I can’t do it,” said the man in floods of tears.

As the Devil led him to his doom he peeped into another room and saw Donatello having sex with Angelina Jolie.

“Oi!” said the man pulling at the Devil’s cloak “What the f*ck is that all about?”

The Devil smiled and said “Angelina Jolie wants to get out too!”

Big and Hairy:-After an argument Sue stormed upstairs and returned an hour later wearing a mini skirt resembling a pelmet and a tight boob tube with thigh high boots on. George asked where she was going and was told “Dogging! Don’t wait up!”

After Match of the Day George looked at the clock and smiled a smug grin knowing she’d be home soon and hadn’t actually gone dogging but to the pub. At 3 am he consoled himself that she’d be home soon as the local Indian restaurant had closed. He woke at 5:30am to the sound of Sue staggering in.

“Where the hell have you been?” he shouted

“I went dogging and found an absolute stud!” she answered

Tearful and hurt George stuttered, “Did he touch those amazing boobs you have?”

Sue answered “He fondled and groped and sucked these boobs til they were sore!”

“Did he touch that big soft curvy bum?” asked George

“He groped and squeezed and bit this bum til it ached” Sue laughed

“And…. and…what about that big hairy c*nt?” George asked sobbing

Sue stared at George and said “He never mentioned you once!”  

Redundant:-The local swingers club had two employees, Jane and Jack. Both were superb with the customers, always kept the drinks flowing and joined in the fun whenever they could. The punters loved them both but one day the boss looked at the accounts and had no choice but to make one redundant.

He watched them both like a hawk all week to try and decide whom to give their cards but as usual both were on the ball.

He watched Jane from his office as she took a couple of aspirin after a particularly hard night and decided to talk to her.

“Jane” he said “I’m gonna have to lay you or Jack off”

Jane answered, “Can you jack off…I have a head ache”

Horny Mouse:- A mouse walking through the jungle stumbled across an elephant that was lying on the ground crying. The mouse asked what the problem was an the elephant told him she has a thorn embedded in her foot and couldn’t grab it with her trunk and its was so painful. The mouse told the elephant that with his tiny sharp teeth he could probably get the thorn out and the elephant said she would do anything for the mouse if he did. The mouse then gnawed at the thorn and removed it then said to the elephant “You said I could have anything. I wanna shag ya”

The elephant laughed and agreed then leant against a tree with her arse in the air. The mouse positioned him self behind the elephant on a tree stump and began hammering away like a mad man. The mouse asked the elephant to push back and laughing as she did the elephant obliged and stepped on the thorn again and screamed in pain to which the mouse shouted, “Take it all bitch!”

Dirty Dog:- A man bet another man in the pub £100 that he could give his dog some money and ask for any newspaper and the dog would go to the shop and return with the paper and the change. The man laughed but agreed and gave the dog £20. They sat and waited and waited but the dog didn’t return. The dog owner asked the man to help him look for his dog and get his £20 back plus the £100 bet. They searched all over town and eventually found the dog in an alley humping the daylights out of a mongrel bitch.
”Butch” said the owner “You’ve never done this before”

The dog answered, “I’ve never had the money before!”

If you know of any swingers jokes please contact us and we will publish them (They cant be any worse than these.....surely!!)

Avante Swingers©