Sexual Positions (Advanced Level)

So you’ve got the hang of the basics and you’ve moved up to intermediate level! Have you done yourself a mischief? No? Good! Now its time to go for your black belt in sexual positions.

Before we get down to it, it might be a good idea to have a full and thorough health check with your GP. These advanced sexual positions require a lot of strength, stamina and subtlety. You are about to become a sexual athlete not only at an Olympic standard but stood on your rightful place on the rostrum bedecked in gold and carrying a bunch of blooms.

Sex on the advanced level is more of a decathlon. You need a range of skills that would see you wipe the floor with anyone in a game of Twister!

Right then, are you sitting comfortably? Good! Then we will begin.

The Viennese Oyster

The female crosses her feet behind her head (or at least puts them next to her ears), while on her back. The male then holds her tightly around each ankle and lies on her full-length. A variation is to have her cross her ankles on her tummy, knees to shoulders, and then have the man lie on the her crossed ankles with their full weight. Ouch!

The Walking Crab

The man stands, holding the female with her knees and lower legs draped over his arms. He then places his hands under her armpits. She holds onto him by placing her arms under his knees and holding onto the back of him.

The Seventh Posture of The Perfumed Garden

The woman lies on her side. The man faces her, straddling her lower leg, and lifts her upper leg on either side of his body onto the crook of his elbow or onto his shoulder. Some have found it very comfortable, especially during pregnancy.

The Pick Up

Can be done lying down, but can be done standing up. With the woman on their back and man on his knees, he places her legs on top of his shoulders. He then wraps his arms underneath her, lifts her off the bed while leaning back for balance. She wraps one arm around his shoulders. The man is supporting almost the entire weight of the woman’s body, and moves her up and down.

Drilling for Oil

The female lies on her shoulders with back up against a head board and legs pointing to the ceiling (as though she were doing a head-stand, but on her shoulders) and folds her legs toward her head. The male stands astride them and dips to enter. As a variation on this, the females legs may be draped over the forearms of the male, who can then better control the thrusts.

Now you are a Black Belt Twelfth Dan Sex Ninja. (Either that or you’re on the phones to Claims Direct wondering how to sue us for injuries received whilst trying to be a smart arse and combine 3 advanced positions into one).

Now go take a look at the Holy Grail of sexual positions “The Grand Master”

Avante Swingers©